Living Without Her
by dbw2f
Summary: The Snape family has grown to five children. What happen when tragedy befalls the family? Another story based on What If I Don't Want to Be This Way.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: HP belongs to Ms. Rowling**

**A/N: R&R please!**

Hermione Granger Snape lay in her bed holding her and Severus' fifth child. She looked small and fragile, she nothing like she used to; she was young, beautiful and full of life. Having five children wore her body down. She as she was drifting to sleep her husband entered the room. Severus Snape walked into his bedroom to find Hermione lying in the bed with their youngest child, she looked awful, and he was terribly concerned about her.

"Hermione," he whispered. "Would you like me to watch Tristan for a bit?"

"Yes, actually that would be marvelous. I need a nap," she replied.

"I think that you should go to the doctor, I'm really worried about you, you haven't been to work in three weeks," said Severus

"I know, how is my replacement doing? I hope she's teaching them well," mused Hermione.

"Oh, you know she is, I keeping my eye on her," said Severus, assuring his wife.

"Sev, you should call in Mazie to keep the children the children tonight after I wake up so we can go enjoy a quiet dinner," Hermione suggested.

"Uh, okay dear, I'll check to make sure she's available she since was helping another elf do something earlier today," he answered.

"Okay," whispered Hermione as she drifted off to sleep.

A couple of hours later Hermione and Severus walked hand in hand down the road to Hogsmeade. They were going to check out a new restaurant that the Potters had recommended to them. Along their walk they held hands, kissed and giggled like they were newlyweds. Once they arrived at the restaurant and had placed their orders the mood turned serious.

"Severus," Hermione began, "I have something important to tell you, and I want to apologize ahead of time for not telling you sooner."

"Okay…"said Severus somewhat impatiently.

"Sev, I'm sick," said Hermione

Severus chuckled and replied "Well I've noticed this the past week or so."

"No Severus, I'm sick as in deathly ill. In fact I was told the other day that it was a miracle that I was still alive. Then I was urged to talk to you soon about er- arrangements," Hermione explained.

Severus stared at Hermione and was quite unsure as to what he should say.

"Hermione, I-I don't know what to say. I don't know why you kept this from me. I think that I of all people should have known a long time ago. We should have been making the most of this time instead of wasting it," Severus said, his voice cracking.

"I don't know why I didn't tell you, but I just didn't and I have to live with that choice. But it's bad, very bad. I have some sort of cancer that developed right around the time I became pregnant with Lara, and then worsen when I became pregnant with Tristan. They have no clue what cancer it is, because very few people have it," said Hermione.

"Wow, this is my entire fault; I shouldn't have wanted so many children. And I know that I can't change any of this but I wish I had known, you know a couple of years ago," Severus fretted.

"No, this is not your fault. I have never regretted anyone of our five children. Tobias, Akira, Adara, Lara, and Tristan have been the biggest joy in my life other than you. We need to sit down with them by the end of the week and tell them what's going on. By then we should have our plans together so we can answer their questions," responded Hermione.

The couple ate in silence. Hermione was thinking about her family and what was going to happen when she wasn't there. Severus was wondering how in the hell he was going to raise five children on his own, and how he was expected to live after his Hermione was gone. The couple left the restaurant and headed back to Hogwarts with a different attitude about them. Severus carried his Hermione back to their home in the castle, kissing her several times along the way, while holding back the tears that Hermione was already spilling.


	2. Chapter 2

Severus and Hermione lay in their bed that night, neither one saying a word. Finally Hermione spoke up.

"Severus, it's time that we talk about what to do with the children when I'm gone" she said. "I don't think you'll have much of a problem raising them on your own. You'll have help between Mazie, and our family friends. I'm sure that Ginny will be willing to help you deal with the girls as they're growing up. All I want for them is happiness and success. The only thing I worry about is your temper because you know you have a tendency to go a little overboard with punishments. I expect them to further their education beyond Hogwarts.

"I know that you expect me to say something, but I honestly am at a loss for words. Three hours ago I learned that the love of my life could be gone at any moment. I don't know what to do. As for punishing our children I'll leave that up to Mazie, and I yes I expect our children to attend University. And as soon I get home tomorrow we'll talk to the children. Have you by chance talked to Headmistress McGonagall and told our family friends?" Severus asked.

"Well, that's why Tonks was hired for my position because I told Minerva that I was very sick. And as for our friends, I sent them all owls before we left for dinner, so I expect many letters in the morning." Hermione answered.

"Okay dear, is there anything else we need to discuss before I fall asleep, my mind is full and my eyelids are drooping" asked Severus.

"No, nothing that can't till tomorrow." Hermione replied.

Severus rolled over and pulled his frail wife into his arms, he kissed her said "I love you so much."

"I love you too Sev," she said before falling asleep.

About ten minuets before he was to wake up to get ready for the day Severus felt Hermione climb out his arms and out of the bed. He heard her walk across the room to the door, and then he heard a thud. Quickly he sat up and looked to the area between the bed and the door and saw Hermione on the ground. He threw back the covers and rushed to his unconscious wife. He picked her up and ran out the door of their home, never mind that he was wearing only pajama pants ran as fast as possible to the infirmary where the new medi-witch Madame Sullivan was just walking up.

"Madame Sullivan," cried Severus "It's Hermione, sh-she collapsed when she got out of bed."

"Breathe Professor, and lay her down on this cot" instructed a calm Madame Sullivan.

"You, you know she's sick don't you? Please, please save her," pleaded Severus.

"Yes, I know she's sick, and I'll do the best I can, but for now I need you to calm down so I can work. Better yet, go take a walk or something," suggested the medi-witch..."

A distraught Severus took her advice and headed out of the infirmary. He paced in the corridor for about five minuets until he realized that he had left his four children sleeping at home. "MAZIE" he yelled. The sleepy house elf arrived with a crack.

"Yes, master?" Mazie asked.

"Mrs. Snape is very sick and has collapsed. I rushed her up here as soon as it happened and left the children at home sleeping, and I need you to watch them.

"Yes sire, Mazie lives to serve the noble house of Snape. I wish Mrs. Snape well," with that she was gone.

Severus wandered through the halls until he found himself standing outside of Headmistress McGonagall's office. He uttered the password and was let in. He knocked on the inner door to the office and he heard the headmistress telling him to come in. As Severus walked into her office she gave him a quizzical look.

"Morning Professor Snape," said Minerva "My, aren't we a tad bit undressed this morning in your no shirt and pajama pants."

Severus blushed and said "I'm sorry, it's just that as you know Hermione is sick and she collapsed this morning and I rushed her up to the infirmary and I didn't have time to dress. When I came up here I had forgotten that I was practically starkers. I needed to tell you that I obviously will not be teaching today, and I would like for you to accompany me back to the infirmary. You're a comforting soul Minerva and I need comfort."

"Yes Severus, I do not expect you to be teaching today, in fact maybe you should consider resigning your post for a short time. And yes, I will go with you on the condition that you go home, put on some appropriate attire and kiss every one of your children save Tobias for you can do that later once his classes are," said Minerva.

"Okay" he replied. "I'll meet you at the infirmary in about ten minuets.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: HP isn't mine. "The Dance" isn't mine either. **

**A/N: You might need a tissue.  
**

_**Looking back on the memory of  
The dance we shared 'neath the stars alone  
For a moment all the world was right  
How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye**_

Severus Snape dressed in his robes quickly and went to find Maize who was feeding Tristan. He kissed Tristan on the head, and then he went to the rooms of his sleeping daughters and kissed them on their heads. After doing what McGonagall instructed him do he, went back up to the infirmary to check on his lovely wife. When he reached the door of the infirmary he saw that Madame Sullivan, Headmistress McGonagall, and Deputy Headmaster Lupin standing together, talking quietly but intensely. Upon seeing him the three stopped chattering.

"Ah, Severus," greeted Madam Sullivan. "I have some er-new for you."

"Yes, what is it," asked Severus impatiently.

"Well, fortunately I was able to buy dear Hermione a few hours. These few blessed hours need to be used for goodbyes" explained the medi-witch choking back tears.

"Severus, I'll be fetching Tobias after breakfast. He of course will be excused for the next couple of days" said Lupin.

"Thank you," replied Severus. "I'll get Mazie to bring the other children. Madame Sullivan, may I see Hermione now?" Severus asked.

"Yes, actually she just woke up, and will be wantin' to see ya" she replied.

_**And now I'm glad I didn't know  
The way it all would end the way it all would go  
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain  
But I'd of had to miss the dance**_

Severus walked into the infirmary and saw his Hermione lying in a cot against the far wall. He felt as if his heart would burst as he neared his sick wife.

"Oh, god 'Mione" Severus said as he placed his head on her chest and began crying. "I love you so much."

"Sev," said Hermione slowly stroking his black hair. "Don't worry, everything will be okay."

"How can this be okay? The love of my life leaving me and her children behind. You can't go Hermione" Severus cried.

_**Holding you I held everything  
For a moment wasn't I a king  
But if I'd only known how the king would fall  
Hey who's to say you know I might have chanced it all**_

Tears streamed down the faces of Hermione and Severus. They heard a noise outside the door that got their attention.

"I see Mazie has arrived with our children" Severus noted as he sat up and dried his face, and then quickly did the same for Hermione. "So do you want them one at a time or all at once" he asked Hermione.

"One at a time please, starting with the eldest" she answered.

Severus walked back to the entrance of the infirmary where McGonagall and Madame Sullivan were explaining to the children what was going on.

"DADDY!" Akira cried and flung herself into his arms. "I don't want Mommy to die."

_**And now I'm glad I didn't know  
The way it all would end the way it all would go  
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain  
But I'd of had to miss the dance**_

Severus fought back his tears and answered "I know baby, no one does, but things happen that we can't control. Akira moaned and buried her head in her father's shoulder. "Tobias, your mother wants to speak with you now." Severus told his son.

Tobias stood up, straightened his robes and walked into the infirmary trying to look as brave and grown up as possible.

Two hours later after saying goodbye to her children, and friends of the family Hermione called for her husband.

"Severus, this is it. Just know that you have made my life complete. Together we've had five beautiful children, and I know that you'll take good care of them. I love you so much" Hermione said.

"Hermione, I love you too, and I cannot believe that I'm saying goodbye to the thing that has made my life so amazing these past thirteen years. Without you, my life was over, and then you came into and showed me that I could love again. I promise to always do what's best for our children. They'll make you proud. I love you Hermione Snape" said Severus tenderly.

Severus leaned over and kissed his Hermione on the lips as she took her last breath. Tears flowed down his face- she was gone.

_**Yes my life is better left to chance  
I could have missed the pain but I'd of had to miss the dance**_


End file.
